A month out and I am encouraged by my progress. I am getting weaned of the prescription meds and look forward to drug free days (if they every arrive). Getting back into the schedule of regular life is a little intimidating. I have devised ways of getting dressed and getting around that opened my conscience about how many simple tasks I take for granted. I am using these challenges as thresholds. Goals for benchmarks include : putting on my left sock, tying my left shoe (loafers and sandals are standards usually). My range of motion has increased but is impeded by the glacial pace of the receding swelling. The excess fluid is visually alarming by comparison to the “normal” leg. I am told by home health nurses and physical therapist that my body will eventually absorb all the extra fluid through movement, massage, and icepacks.
Mentally I feel very capable and anxious to feel healed. My muscles strength has greatly diminished so I am working with small 4lbs ankle weights to begin regaining the fitness and power levels in my legs. The best part of my days are when I get to stroll (with a cane) around the lake a few blocks behind my house. The sun, fresh air, and nature are great gifts I am grateful to experience from a perspective unknown to me before.
During the last stages before surgery I was in pain, actual physical pain and psychological strain. I lost two exciting job opportunities, and seriously stymied my social life and felt withdrawn. All of my interaction with the team of healthcare professionals was wonderful. They helped tremendously by giving me hope and believing in my abilities. Family and supportive friends are truly invaluable. Thank you!

4.20.15  One Week ago.. Woke up the morning of scheduled surgery with a call from Dr.’s. assistant . There has been a change in the Dr.’s schedule, “can you please come in 2 hours earlier?” I had been already anxious to get through the procedure so I immediately agree to the new time and we made our way to the hospital. After pre-op paperwork, IV drugs, administrative assurances, I was unconscious and (I am told) went into surgery about 3pm. I can spare you the graphic details because I did not  witness what the surgeon did to me.

Woke up  chilled on post-op table freezing and in pain. I have no memory of the actual operation just feeling blessed to  be alive. There is a buzz of activity surrounding  me however I have no sense of where am until the attending nurse holds my hand and tells me I’m in recovery and everything went well. Deep in a corner of being I am asking myself when and how can I take my first step, my next step.

As dancers we celebrate opportunities that allow us to express ourselves through movement. We relish he idea of discovering new phrases and combinations. Prior to surgery I desired a reconnection with the feeling of freely exploring the spectrum of movement expression. The liberating power of agility and ability. The sense that you are only limited by your imagination. As my condition became more debilitating physically, mentally my fear of moving grew. How does a choreographer or dancer work from a place of fear? Losing the tools that help create your art is frightening in practice and debilitating to your spirit. This condition had to be addressed, corrected and ideally reversed. Through research I discovered new technologies and advances in stem cell therapy and platelet rich plasma treatments. The information was very interesting an enlightening. The positive testimonials from those who experienced the process was encouraging. However I chose the surgery route because I have complete trust in my surgeon  and the team of professionals  at the hospital, what is covered by my insurance, and the convenience of the location of  the hospital.

Our bodies really are amazing. That night, fours hours after replacing my left hip, the attending nurse came into my room and told me “let’s get you up”. She was determined to have me standing. We were together in  this goal. I certainly had something to stand for and she was there to help me. Exhausted and weak I stood just off one side of the bed and doing so gave me a sense of renewed power and confidence.  I will move again. Practically, I know it will take some time and there will be some difficult adjustments but these are the first steps.

dancedocent